happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
