I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
