sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize