it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
