I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i came on her dog
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
