She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
