How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
