So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
