My cat gives me a boner
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
