I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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