just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
