a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my liver is dry heaving
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
