idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
