We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
