He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
