I will die if light touches me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
