so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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