I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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