Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
