so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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