trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
