Who did Billy Mays play for?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
