You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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