I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
