Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
