to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
