and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
