Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
