sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
