There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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