she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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