At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
