Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
