Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
