I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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