There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i out mim tonsoeep
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
