This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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