she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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