why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
