Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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