oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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