new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
