I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
