it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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