Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
