I want to walk on stilts...naked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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