The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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