is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
