loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
