Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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