So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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