FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
