he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He felt like a one man threesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
