Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
