I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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